I have no idea what my parenting style is. I don't even know the definitions of alltheparentingstyles, like Dolphin Dad and Tiger Mom, Helicopter parent and what not. All I know is that I try to do my best, every day.
I want my kids to become respectful, kind adults who have the coping skills to deal with all the highs and lows life has to offer.
This is what I teach them:
Always question authority. This is one of the most important and valuable things I learned in college. Questioning authority does not mean being disrespectful. It means holding elected officials, experts, doctors, lawyers and teachers accountable. A person of authority in a child's life - like a teacher or a doctor - sometimes seems to have an aura of "untouchable" about them. I encourage my children to ask questions and insist on answers. And yes, questioning authority does include questioning my parenting. I have bad days and need to be reminded that I am not an absolute ruler of my children, but rather someone who helps them to be the best they can be.
Be honest and accountable. Those two things go together like peanut butter and jelly. You have to be honest with yourself to be accountable. While questioning authority holds others accountable, it's also important to do the same with yourself. Own your decisions, mistakes and triumphs - from beginning to end.
Be comfortable outside your comfort zone. Everyone loves to stay in their comfort zone. It's warm and cozy and we just never want to leave. But, here's the thing - if you never try anything new, never deliver an unpleasant message to anyone, have never been there for a friend even though it made you uncomfortable, then you are missing out. You are missing out on new experiences, on personal growth and on inspiring others to do the same.
You win some, you lose some. It's important to know what it feels like to lose. Guess what - the majority of people don't win all the time, they are not even in the Top 10. If you have never known what it feels like to disappear in the masses, you will not be able to feel the thrill of winning. Getting a trophy or a ribbon every time does not only diminish the joy of placing first when it's your turn, it also lessens the accomplishment of the people that actually won. This is not only true for winning and losing - it's valid in every part of our lives: if you don't experience the lows, you won't know what a high actually feels like.
Not everything on the Internet is true. (The Internet is a big thing in parenting. And a hard thing. And almost impossible to control as kids get older. I try to use the common sense approach - so far, so good.) There are billions of people using the Internet, each and every one with their own opinions and tastes. Sometimes people make shit up, sometimes they make fun of other people and sometimes they even do illegal things. The point is that I want you to approach the Internet like you do everything else in life - ask yourself if it makes sense. If someone in your school would tell you face to face what you just read there, would you believe it? If one of your friends would ask you to do what you just saw somebody do on YouTube, would you do it?
Sometimes you screw up and that's OK. Yes, I mean that. Nobody can bring their A game all the time and sometimes we screw things up. Sometimes you get a bad grade and sometimes you don't ask the lonely kid to join the game and and sometimes you click on that link even though you know it's probably a virus. There is always another day. You can do better next time, just move on and don't beat yourself up - not everything is a big deal.
Don't be a jerk. Be respectful, be kind. Don't assume you know what's going on inside anyone's head. You don't know their story, whether they are having a bad day or their grandma just died. If someone is a jerk to you, give them the benefit of the doubt; you can always just walk away, there is no reason to be a jerk yourself.
Don't get knocked up or knock anybody up until you're old enough to take on the responsibility. I know you'll be having sex sooner or later. You'll decide when you're ready. But you need to be responsible and while I think you can handle the responsibility of using protection, I don't think you'll be able to handle the responsibility of having kids for a while. And I'm not willing to look after your kids, that'll be your job.
