Last week I had a post at Scary Mommy where I shared my principles for parenting success and this week I have no answers for my current parenting dilemma. Huh.
I'm talking about letting go.
Thank god I have a subscription to O Magazine and in this month's issue (November is always my favourite issue of the year, because it's my birthday month) I once again found one little sentence that made it possible for me to write a whole blog post about it. Heh.
Not that I need Oprah to obsess about whether or not I do the right thing with my teenager. I can do that all by myself. And even though we have a great rlationship, I have been struggling with how to handle things with him for a while.
He's 16 going on 17 and I may be treating him like 6 going on 7 sometimes. Ok, I actually do that a lot.
Now comes the part when I share some Oprah-endorsed wisdom:
Every child has a superpower. And while parents are dying to know what it is and want it to be "science" or "math" or something that will translate into a high-paying job one day, it's better not to steer, but to just pay attention.
The one sentence (three, actually) that struck a chord with me:
"It's hard to let your child grow when you've stopped growing. Don't mold her into the adult you'd like her to be. Work on being that adult yourself." (Madeline Levine, author of "Teach Your Children Well")
Boom. That's pretty deep, eh? Like someone-ring-a-bell-this-is-big-said-in-an-Oprah-voice kind of deep.
My problem is not that I want to save him from disappointment or to "have it easier" than I had it. He is his own person and can make his own mistakes and it's good to learn that life is not a picnic all the time. I'm fine with that.
When I think about it, it's really about me being uncomfortable with certain things or certain situations. My inability to make peace with some things and live in the present are what's standing in the way.
Like his choice to spend a whole paycheck or more on Christmas presents for my husband, his brother and me. I should just be happy about it and not try to guilt him into not spending money on me, because I think it's a waste.
Or his choice to quit his dishwashing job and apply where I worked just as I was getting ready to quit. I should have just been happy for his ambition and not lost it because I was so disappointed in the place - that was a battle I had to fight and he's handling it there like a boss.
So instead of trying to mold him into the adult I'd like him to be - while not being that adult myself - I should probably shift my focus. Sometimes you just have to jump.
Maybe I can take lessons from him.
