How to survive a vacation with a tween and a teen

As you might have seen on my social media channels, my family and I went on a little trip to Victoria, BC recently. My expectations are always high, and while our vacations usually turn out to be far from perfect, my husband and I have developed a concept that at least ensures our survival (with our sanity as intact as possible - and yes, that is still debateable).

I know what you're thinking - and the answer is: No, you cannot leave the kids at the same kennel that boards your dog. Believe me, I tried. Here is the secret: you need to anticipate which questions the kids will ask and you need to have the answers ready, including a logial explanation and a back-up plan.

Here are a few examples:

1. When exactly do we get there?

This is a tricky one right off the bat - because many factors can influence when exactly you will get there. So be sure to offer a thorough explanation for all different scenarios! Bonus: if you are thorough enough with your answer, time will fly and you'll actually be there by the time you're done answering. 

2. What exactly are we going to do the minute we arrive?

Again, preparation is key. You can probably expect that your tween has already done some kind of research on this - so don't even think for a minute your can bullshit your way out of it.

3. Where are we going to eat when we get there and what do they have on the menu?

Fortunately, a lot of restaurants have their menus now online. TripAdvisor is also your friend on that one and you can score extra points with your tween if you actually print a menu!

Questions 2 and 3 will repeat themselves on a daily basis, so plan ahead! You can also impress your tween with anticipating "the one thing I've always wanted and looked for all over so can you please buy it for me" in a souvenir store. It will be something lovely like book-ends that look like buffalo horns. No? Just my kid? Alright then, let's move on to the teen questions.

1. Is there WiFi?

If you are not sure whether there is wifi or not, you better be prepared to purchase an unlimited data plan for your teen's cell phone for the duration of your stay - trust me on this one. Your best choice for a vacation destination is a place with public wifi hotspots, just sayin'.

2. Is there a mall?

Again - the internet is your friend! Find the nearest mall (better the nearest two), program the address into your GPS and if your teen is old enough to take the bus by herself, print the bus schedule and buy a ticket online. Make sure there are no ugly surprises with shortened holiday hours (because it will get ugly)!

3. When are we going to the mall?

You can save yourself a lot of trouble by being well-prepared for question 2, but chances are you won't get out of a little shopping trip yourself. This is a good opportunity to pull a "if you come look at x with us, we will take you shopping to y at {insert specific date and time}". If you're into it, you and your significant other can even make a little "good-parent-bad-parent" out of it, for some added teen satisfaction.

Bonus tip: If your teen tries on clothes and asks "How do I look" you will score major points if you say: "How about you snapchat that and see what they say?!"

I think that covers all the basics. Follow these instructions and there will be smooth sailing on your vacation!

I just want to save you the embarrassment of saying "No, there will be no trips to the mall and shopping on this vacation." just before you realize there is a problem with your car, so the first stop on your vacation in a GM dealership and they keep your car for two hours and the dealership happens to be close to a mall and you end up shopping there for two hours and your teen can't wipe the wise-ass smirk off her face... You're welcome!